My Love Story (Part 4)

 

Waiting is Painful

“Wait”, I guess this is one of the most painful things where you don’t know what to expect, what result will be? But still, we wait in the hope of some positive outcomes. Generally, waiting is a meditation, you just sit and wait. But here I wasn’t just waiting, I was anticipating; I was expecting something to happen. The wait is a quality, which I don’t have. The more time passes, the more it was getting hard. It was killing me. Now, I was experiencing some kind of anxiety, all kinds of thoughts or worries were playing hide and seek inside my mind. My mind was buzzing with all sorts of thoughts of every possible outcome. It was like a time bomb ticking, which was about to explode. I was dealing with some unknown situation or more like dealing with something which I don’t like to deal with in the first place. This is why it was painful, this wait was painful and still, there was a distant future, more laps were left in this race.  

Online chat is different than a proper face-to-face chat and I was understanding why it was different? I was having a virtual conversation with her, but still lacking that connection in that conversation. That magic, emotions, feelings were missing in the online chat. But still, there was a long track to follow. I was doing all kinds of stuff in this wait. I was imagining, learning, knowing, and even exploring all her likes and dislikes along with her habits everything lets say, I was doing my homework. I was preparing myself for a battle so that, I shouldn’t bleed in the battleground because I was bleeding right now.

End of Waiting and Proposing her

After holding one's breath, I finally met with her. My everlasting painful period of waiting was over. 1 complete month is endless time. I survive this drudgery interval. But this wait taught me to become more confident and friendly. I was ready to play my cards but still, without some minor help, it won't be possible. And yes, if you want something very badly, I guess even god also cannot stop you from achieving that thing. And in my case it was her heart, it was her love, it was her presence which I was dreaming and willing to get so hard. But I was seeking someone’s help.  

I was a passenger who was traveling on the path of love. In my life, in this particular period, love was always winning without exuberance. Dreams can become reality but also can become as miserable as they wanted to be so, I have to travel this path very carefully. Late-night conversation, video calling, phone calls, having lunch together this were common and even she was enjoying my company. I was delighted that I was spending more time with her but as a friend. I haven't told her how I feel or what are my emotions. I just wanted to scream and tell her, and everybody, "I love her!!". But I can't because I was afraid that I might lose a friend, I was enjoying her company and if I told or act something foolish she might no longer befriend me. 

8th December 2016 

This is one of the most important day in this story. Last night we had a very long, deep, and interesting conversation, discussing till late-night. We talked about our early love life, my love life wasn't even born yet, and I hate to talk about her because I am the lead character in this story. Today is different, it was 2nd lecture and I was sitting with her and her friend and all of a sudden she started a conversation.  

She asked me, "Tell the truth, have you ever been in love?" 

My reply was, "Everyday!!!"

She said, "With whom??"

I added, "With someone who enlights me, who makes me happy, who understands me, and even more who makes me feel like a special one!!"

She said, "Wow!! she must be a special one? Who is she?" 

I was anxious, sweating, and trembling, but I continue by saying, "Yes, She is special!!" And foolishly added, "You are!" 

She drops her pen, I guess she was shocked and why not it's common to be shocked at that moment. Even her friend sitting with us, started to laugh and she was mocking me, and telling me, "I have heard, I have heard!!" 

She was confused and she asked, "What are you trying to say?" 

I have ruined my game, I lost my cover. So, without thinking anything I told her my feelings. I have to say those magical words because I don't have other options. 

I said, in a clam and innocent voice filled with love, "I Love You!! You are my special one, with whom I fall in love every day." 

Finally, after around 2 months I told her what I feel, what my emotions were, now I cannot take back my words. But an interesting fact was her silence. She didn't reply, there was nothing. Even her friend was forcing her to say something. But I didn't get anything just a simple but heart-melting smile.

"Sometimes not knowing is a part of the fun." Well, I have to say was that the motto of some third-grade movie because this sucks. Her silence was killing me, I was anticipated. I can't wait anymore because I have waited long. I want my answer. But love is something we cannot get by forcing someone, they have to feel that connection. Have to establish that inner healing power and definitely for that, It required some time. Our class was over, I haven't told anyone about what happened earlier today, I just packed my bag and just waited outside. 

She came with her sparking moves and I said, "Sry, I don't know what just happened earlier today. But I wasn't telling lie, I was serious and I do love you, from the moment I saw you in our foundation class. If you are unhappy or don't have anything like that please tell me don't keep this suspense anymore because I can't wait. I will be happy even you reject me, but a bit sad also, but please reply??"   

She replied, "Yes!!!........."