My Love Story (Part- 2)

The word “Love” does not indicate someone or something to you. It means that your emotion is totally yours - you can make it anything you want. And so it was my fault, letting my emotions create an affection towards her, which I call Love. 

The foundation classes were going on, it was really helpful. I was living with my uncle and aunt along with my cousin, my brother, my partner in crime. I told him about that girl and he was happy and said that he would like to help me, I was like “Ok!!” I just don’t want to ruin my emotion with any foolish attempt. Back in college, I made a few new friends who were all friendly and very helpful but still I couldn’t speak with her, every time I looked at her, those charming and mesmerizing appearances made me blank, made my heart beat faster and raised questions in my ability. I need to do something or someone needs to do something to help me in order to express my feelings toward her, but at the same-time a strange feeling of awkwardness was there inside me. “How can I ask her out?” It was like conquering the war, climbing the mountain full of challenges and afraid to take a step forward. But in order to succeed the very first step was to speak with her and become friends with her.

When someone says “Love”, it need not necessarily be convenient, most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. Yes, it was eating me inside always thinking about her forgetting about everything other my surroundings, my family, my relatives, my studies, my goal everything was vanishing like magic. I came to Kathmandu in order to accomplish my goal, my dream of becoming an engineer, but now my dream was to conquer this war against her. I was blank, my mind was thinking about her, my heart was beating for her and I was dreaming about her like I forgot my true path, I was out of the track. Yes love was eating me up. 

Yes I was truly in love with her and I know I was making a mistake because the english expression “falling in love” is very significant. You don’t climb in love. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen and I fall in the hole so deep that I couldn’t step out of that hole, it was more like falling inside a pit, so deep that no-one can help me to climb up from this shit. 

It was the 7th day in my foundation class, I was in morning shift and that day I was in a rush. I was getting late, I hate to be late because I want to sit right behind her so that I could be around her and hope that some miracle happens and she starts to talk with me, but that was just my imagination. I bet that she hardly notices me in the classroom too. My buddies Adarsha and Kalind were already in class and I can reassure my doubt of losing my spot. I sat behind her, her hair was wet. She must have taken a quick shower, white t-shirt with black pants she was looking amazing. That little tiny drop of water from her hair making her plain white t-shirt wet, I cannot concentrate at the white board, what the teacher was saying was going right out of my head because my focus was on something else, admiring the beauty of her. I told myself “fool concentrate on your studies” and I took my notebook and started searching my pen, which I couldn’t find. I asked my two buddies sitting right next to me, who were half asleep, “Do you have an extra pen!!” and both reply at the same time saying”No”. I was clueless, I needed a pen to write and I didn't talk with others and the people with whom I talked said “No, we don’t have an extra pen”. Then, I said to myself “this is the wonderful opportunity to talk with her”. Gathering all my strength, and balls I dare to ask her and that was my first of the many other conversations with her  

“Excuse me! Do you have an extra pen?” 

She said “Yes” and gave me an extra pen from her handbag. 

“Yes” this was the only word that she spoke with me in that conversation, and I can feel that softness, smoothness, that melody in her voice. Her voice was also as lovely as her “walk” wow haven’t seen someone walking with that spark, really a bold walk leaving behind her marks. My day was made by her “Yes”, but god has planned something more for me. Next period chemistry. 

Question: “why should an engineer study chemistry?” 

Our chemistry sir has a habit to give note not by writing in white board but by telling or let's say reading and explain every single details. He was reading at such a pace, I could write what he was saying in my notebook, but I guess she along with her friends had some trouble in caughting the pace of our teacher and she turned around and asked me,

”Have you written what sir told just now?”

I said,” Yes “ and gave her my notebook. 

Wow, thank you god, I was telling myself, ”today is my day!!”. Some kind of confidence came inside me, some kind of power and I started to extend our conversation when sir was out of the classroom attending someone's phone call.

“ If you don’t mind, can you tell me your name, it's some kind of unique one!!”, I said without caring anything else and with a foolish smile thinking that she might be angry. But it was my day.

She replied with such a killer smile, and said “ My name is …….”