My Love Story (Part 5)

 

Romance and First Kiss

Romance is the feeling that we chase in a relationship. Once you’ve experienced romance, you won’t forget it, you become an addict to it and won’t stop until you find that feeling again. Romance can spark chemistry in your relationship like the butterfly feeling in your stomach, it can keep things fresh and exciting. Well, romance is like a powerful force that makes me feel more connected towards her in some kind of deeper ways. It is both big and small gestures, that make me feel more cherished and annoying towards her. Romance is part of my relationship with her that added adventure and intense emotions. Romance for me was not just about sexual intercourse, it was more about awakening the heart. I gave more heart in this relationship and ended up heartless. This is, what romance means for me.

I was stunned after hearing her reply. There were all kinds of things going on inside my mind. I was lacking words to express, surprised, excited, and happy. It was like, I am about to experience a panic attack. To make it sure, I asked her again, filled with shock and mixed feelings, “What?? I mean can you say that again?”

She knew I couldn’t believe what just happened, what reply I received from her. Without any thought, she said, “Yes!! I do love you.” 

Now, I am sure that this isn’t a dream. Our class was over and I asked her, “Would you mind if I invite you to a coffee??” 

It was awkward because I haven’t invited anyone before for a coffee, and I know I wasn’t just asking for a coffee rather I was inviting her for a coffee date at 10:00 am. Well, it’s a foolish attempt but, I didn’t have a single clue about, “what time it was?” and more specifically “what kind of situation I was in?”. Even she knew I was excited and was lost in an enormous cloud of happiness that complies me to talk foolish stuff. Instead of showing some disagreeable feelings, She simply said, “I would love to but today I can’t, I have to attend a function at my aunt’s house.” She continues, “I have promised myself that I won’t be late today.” I was upset but I said, “Ok!! But promise me, we will spend some time tomorrow.” 

And she said, "Pinky Promise!!"     

I smiled and said, "So, I guess it's bye for now!!"

She said, "I guess!! Yes, Bye Gaurav"

I said, "Bye" 

And slowly she vanishes with her friend.

The next day as she promised, we spend quality time together. But as a matter of fact, she waited around 30 minutes alone in front of our college gate at 6:30 in the morning because I was pretty busy sleeping and just forgetting that I had a date today. I was huffing and puffing when I reach the location. I brought some chocolates for her thinking that she might have a hot-temper and after receiving my consolation gift she might be calm. But who can save me now, throughout the day I have to listen to her and I got an idea that I am dealing with some pretty hot stuff. We started with a romantic walk down to the ground which was near to our college. Holding each other’s hands, talking about some love and other fun stuff. It was amazing how lovely and romantic it was to spend some time with her, I was staring at her and she was too. I realized that some bold stuff will come next, I was afraid and having some kind of panic stress. I knew that I would be sharing a moment with her that might build some long-term plans with her, might felt some deep, and more than an outlet for physical indiscretions. 

I started flirting with her, “You know!! I loved you the night prior!! But it was in my dream. You were amazing. But tasted so salty.”

And she replied in a smile, “What? I don’t think so”. She was in a fun mood, flirting, and slowly turning me on. We slowly started to lean forward and there was some warm breeze. Slowly I started from her neck, and moved my way up, ensuring that my eyes would be closed and caught up in the moment. And then suddenly, she stopped, and I gently open my eyes, searching for her, only to find her lips inches from mine. There was hesitation for both of us, awkwardness, shyness, and shame I guess. 

She told me, “plz!! Stop”

And I told her, “Ok!! Whenever you feel comfortable.”

We again started to walk around the ground, holding hands looking at each other and laughing at each other’s jokes. 

And all of a sudden she took me by surprise. I saw it happen; and then, I felt it. I felt my eyes flutter, felt her arms wrap around my shoulders as I drew her closer, and then her lips touch mine. She stopped, pushed me back, and looked at me. It took me a moment to open my eyes, and then I looked straight into her. I was angry, not for “What just happened ?”, but for “Why she stoped and why she pushed me?”. I was enjoying it, it was crazy weird stuff, but quickly in like 5 Mississippi’s, it became my favorite thing to do. She didn’t speak a word and neither I. And I thought that a long awkward silence might ruin this beautiful day so, I told her looking at my watch, “It’s nearly 8:30 am, I guess we must head back to our class.”

She said, “Ok!!”

And we came back to our class and spend the rest of our day in a smile.   

 

 Taste of Sorrow and bitterness 

"No matter how much interested you are, it is incomplete,

Even a city called complete is incomplete.

Good luck getting together in life,

Even dreaming vision is incomplete."

I slowly started to understand, what Love means in the present context or what it meant to someone. You give everything to the person whom you consider is important in your life, but they just think or consider you as a time-pass. Well, the same was happening in this relationship. The train was slowly moving towards some kind of incomplete track. Love was slowly fading and we were growing apart. The passion, attraction, admiration, and closeness once felt for each other were slowly vanishing. 

Every day she used to say, "I love you", to me in some confusion, and why not because she used to act like she doesn't have any time to spend with me. 

Every day she used to say, "I want to be close to you", but she used to constantly criticized whenever she was around me. 

Every relationship has boundaries, but all those boundaries were overstepped and respect was not available. I was unaware of the behavior patterns that hold a relationship. I couldn't avoid the traps of a fantasy bond and enjoy the raw and real adventure i.e Loving Relationship. What was my fault?  To love her more than anything else was my fault. And I have to pay for that prize because I was a time-pass.

And one day, when I was thinking everything is alright, normal, good, or let's say nice she texts me, and wrote, "Sry, it's not working!!!"